Exhausting to part those once near my heart,
As if pulling my roots of life from soil,
Closing the door of my soul to depart,
I ever so insincerely toil.
Flee the false home I now find destructive.
Go, resentful child, and never come back.
Search for a new Haven Reconstructive,
After seeing skies of venomous black.
I consciously swallowed the bitter cure
To rid foolish habits of lingering
Dangerous playgrounds of peril obscure,
I leave without intent of returning.
Forsaking the old for anew rebirth,
I find my proper place upon the earth.
Note from the writer: Thanks for the great comments, I've added a title, a picture and changed the last line.
9 comments:
Great poem, its hard for me to find something to say here...
she usually wants a title, so think of that.
your last line seems kinda hollow compared to the rest of the lines of your poem. think of a more powerful ending to your powerful poem.
nice poem.
You poem is really well written. Your vocab is very good. The second stanza was a little confusing for me though. But nice job overall!!
I still think it sounds like you're moving to a new home. That'll probably give you a lot to write for your paper though. I like "come" better than "go". Like Mark said, maybe you should think of a title. Other than that, I don't know if there's anything you could do to make it better. It's really good.
Wow!
Like everyone else, I don't really have anything bad to say about this.
I think that the rhymes really made this poem stand out because the rhyming words were very desciptive.
i really liked your poem, it had a lot of feeling, and you used good vocabulary. i really like it, but also as mark and malina says you might want to include a title to give a reader a summarized idea of what it is about
Great Job! I liked your wording. I hope this isn't a stupid question, but what do you mean by "Haven Reconstructive?" (You might want to put that in your paper.)
This is a wonderful sonnet!! There is so much feeling and personification in the tone that it suggests. I dont know how to explain it, but it's good! The topic wanders a little, in my opinion, but still, very good. "Venomous black" was a great descriptive term.
I really like the picture you added, it makes the poem really come together. I also love the words you use, soooo deeeeeepp.
i like your poem. You have a lot of different oppertunities to write about what your poem means. I like it just he way it is! :) I think the theme in your poem that most makes sense to me is finding where you belong. IF you have any personal experience with this it might be interesting to elaborate on in your paper. But also, if you're just back and forth, deciding where your place, you might want to talk about how hard it is to find, what the ideal would be. Good Job!
Post a Comment